Why is it that we only believe the bad things people think or say about us? 

It's like we're programmed to ignore all the nice things people say in favour of replaying all the bad things over and over again.

A few weeks ago I was at a wedding when someone leaned over the bar and told me I looked stunning. He wasn't some creepy old man or someone who was trying to hit on me. He was simply a really nice person who felt the need to give me a compliment. It wasn't that I thought I looked terrible, I just didn't look anywhere near stunning. I would say I looked ok at best, and that was mainly down to what I was wearing. It's hard not to look ok when you have a long red dress on. 

Surely I can't be the only one who finds it hard to accept a compliment. Even yesterday, I couldn't believe what my best friend was telling me. She sent me a text describing me as one of the prettiest people she knows. Instead of just accepting what she said, I decided to replay the horrible thoughts implied by other peoples actions.  

I've been bullied before and I had a horrible trolling experience earlier this year when people posted things like "What happened to your face or are you just naturally that ugly?" to me on Twitter. That was when the whole Moyesy thing happened, and it was not a nice experience at all. But I think sometimes all this is why I find it hard to accept it when people do want to say something nice to me.

The logical thing is to accept the 10 lovely things before say against the one horrible thing someone else thinks. That makes sense, even to the most unlogical mind. That should even make sense in my mind. So why is it that I still continue to think everyone is just being nice to make me feel better, rather than having any truth behind their comments? Yet I can't shake off what someone else thinks of me.

Not That Kind of Girl!

I still remember the first time I watched Sex and the City. I was convinced I had found a show that spoke to me in ways other TV shows hadn't before. I had just got into university to study Journalism, so naturally I thought I was going to be the next Carrie Bradshaw. I imagined I would live in a studio apartment in a huge city funding my life by freelancing for some fashion or music publication. 

That was until Girls came along. The HBO show which launched in 2012, focuses on a group of twenty-sometimes living in New York. It not only stars Dunham, but she's also the writer and creator of the show too. It gives a much more realistic view of young women living in New York through unpaid internships, awkward sex and challenging friendships. 

Since then, Lena has been put onto a put on a pedestal with people really feeling like she's some kind of voice of their generation. She may have joked about it through her character Hannah during the pilot episode of Girls, but in real life she really is thought to be one. And I have to admit, I am definitely one of those people. So when I discovered she would be writing a book, I knew without even opening it that I would love every page. 

Lena writes with the open and raw honestly I could only dream of having the guts to do myself. Her book of personal essays and advice details her life through her childhood, long therapy sessions, OCD and string of dates and relationships. She talks so candidly about her sexual encounters in the way I don't think I ever could. It's the sort of information I shared with my best friend this morning, but wouldn't want the world to read. Not only because they don't really care about it, but also because I don't feel like I can talk about other people in that way, even if I only have the most complimentary of words to say.  

"The end never comes when you think it will. It's always ten steps past the worst moment, then a weird turn to the left."

"What a goon. He's lucky to know you, but too stupid to ever realize it."

The book is also full of advice and words that feel like she's climbed into the head of every confused twenty something women who is questioning their life at the moment. 

"Don't put yourself in situations you'd like to run away from."

The above advice that ends the chapter entitled, "A Guide To Running Away For Twenty-Seven-Year-Old Women". It's one of the best pieces of advice I took from the book, especially since I found myself in quite a few situations I wanted to run away from this year. I'd almost have an anxiety attack on the way to certain events, then spend a lot of time hiding in the toilet or outside the party because being inside gave me that sick to the stomach feeling that I shouldn't have to feel. Maybe next time, I'll think about how worth it is to spend hours feeling that rubbish about myself when I can spend time with people outside of those situations. 

She goes onto detail different versions of running away, a lot of which I've tried when needing to escape my own thoughts. Whether it's "listening to a Taylor Swift song about dancing in the rain" or "Going radio silent, then saying you lost your cell phone somewhere in your bed".  

Another great piece thing she said in the book was this - 

"I decided then that I will never be jealous. I will never be vengeful. I won't be threatened by the old, or by the new. "

I would love to think that I could take on board, but I realise it will take some work. Jealously and over thinking situations is probably one of worst qualities. It's embarrassing to admit that I constantly feel threatened by other women.  I have such low confidence that I generally feel 95% of the female population are funnier, smarter, prettier, fitter and more interesting than I am. Even when I'm with someone, I assume that there's someone they think is better than me. It's not a feeling that I enjoy and it's certainly not one I would entertain if I could help it. 

Overall, this is one of the best books I've read it years. With 20 odd pages bookmarked, I feel like it's the sort of book I'll go back to for advice and reassurance and I stumble through the rest of my twenties in a general state of confusion and self doubt.